Why I Haven’t Dated Since My Divorce
Well, actually, that’s not true. I have been dating...myself 😊.
This is the response I’ve been giving to the curious cats wanting to know my status. I don’t blame their curiosity because it’s been four years since my divorce which may feel like a lifetime for many. And in some ways, it has been a lifetime. A lifetime filled with a lot of tough inner work… to self reckon, to peel away delusion and the very protective armor that comes with it, and to truly understand what love really means and feels like in my body.
When I left my marriage, my understanding of love had roots in fear, self-abandonment, and limited self worth. Over the past several years, my energy has been spent getting into those roots to bring life back to them. In dating myself, I’ve watered these roots with the nutrients of evolving self-compassion and tenderness. I’ve replaced the deadened soil with newly composted wisdom sourced from within. I’ve dug into the soil, so the ends of the roots could welcome the abundance of sunshine from community support and care.
Dating myself has been the greatest gift of my life. In this period of time, I’ve learned some new things about Danny T.
I know how to embrace the joys of solitude (wow do I love living alone!). It turns out, I really like my own company (I’m actually kinda funny!). I’ve also reclaimed the full length of my spine (I may be 5’3 but my energetic body is giant!).
When I share that who I’m dating is myself…I’m met with a fun mix of reactions. A cheering grin of affirmation… an exuberant fuck yeah, you go queen!… a nodding, yet discrete stare of suspicion…and some people, with unapologetic concern (or judgment?) on their face, are totally puzzled with wonder.
“But do you feel lonely?”
I smile gently, each time I get that question.
I take a breath and ground into my healing and deepening roots of self love, self knowing, and self trust.
And I respond, “Sure, there are moments of loneliness, but overall, I feel far less lonely now than I ever have.”
When we learn how to love our own company, to sit in silence with our own monkey minds, to release tension and pain in our bodies, to connect to the earth and nature, to attune to unseen magic around us, and to be present with what’s in front of us… the wound by which our human experience of loneliness derives from begins to heal…and slowly, we begin to realize, we’re actually quite connected to all the things… and never really alone.
This is quite truly the best relationship I have ever had in my life. It’s whole. It’s loving. It’s healing. It’s joyful.
From this place, dating human creatures outside of myself may be a lot more fun (and freeing) 😊.
